It’s me here. Your old friend. Anxiety. We met for the first time about 10 years ago (well actually I came across you a few times as a child and a teenager but I mustn’t have made a big enough impression).
So I met you about 10 years ago. Remember? That time you got so violently ill you thought you would die? How funny is it that I made you terrified of vomiting. Most people don’t enjoy vomiting but can cope with it, but I really fucked you up on that one. I’m sneaky like that.
Anyways, I’m getting in touch because I’ve noticed that you haven’t really responded to me lately. Have I done something wrong? Do I have some kind of odour I’m not aware of?
I’ve been trying to get your attention for a few months now but it’s as if you have no use for me anymore. I seem to spark your interest occasionally but it’s only for a few minutes. Maybe it’s got something to do with that new friend of yours. The one you see every few weeks? That one who gives you homework? Or those new pills you’ve been taking. Or maybe it’s all that yoga. You know I’ve never been a big fan of physical activity. Or science.
Are you ok?
Usually I’d pop in and stay for a few hours, maybe days, or like last year when I got comfy and stayed for months on end. That was the longest I’d been with you. How great was it!? We totally bonded. You tried your hardest to get rid of me but I was so happy staying close by. Just popping in without notice. It was fun. What’s changed?
Now when I drop by you act strangely. It’s kind of like you’ve broken up with me but we haven’t had that awkward “it’s not you it’s me conversation”. Are you sure you don’t want to catch up? I’ve also noticed a change in your behaviour. I used to be able to entice you with my good pals Worry and Fear, but now it’s as if you’re questioning our relevance. And I gotta admit, that kinda hurts.
I even tried to visit you at Christmas time but you were hell-bent on making sure we had limited contact. That really hurt.
Anyways, I’ll keep trying. As you know I usually drop in without warning, I wish I could organise myself a bit better but I’ve never been good at that. My bad.
Yours insincerely, Anxiety.
P.S Can you please stop that deep breathing before bed? It’s annoying.